


Recovery

by Bil1801



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs Therapy, Literally so much mutual pining, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Recovery, Relationship Discussions, Slow-burn sort of???, SuperCorp is endgame, Take notes Supergirl writers, does this count as hurt/comfort, since we all know supercorp won't be canon in season six
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:48:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25594552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bil1801/pseuds/Bil1801
Summary: It’s been a few months now.Lex is gone, and Leviathan has been defeated.So what happens now?The aftermath.The recovery.And everything in between.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Kara Danvers & Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers & William Dey, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Querl Dox/Nia Nal
Comments: 22
Kudos: 212





	Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> So if this fanfiction makes no sense, it's because I wrote it at midnight, and it's more of a ramble to get my feelings out than anything else. I'm so frustrated and hurt by everything that happened in season 5b (yes I'm talking about William), and I wish I could have hope for season 6, but I don't. I'm so sick of the queerbaiting and of being used for money and viewership. Not to mention the writers side-lined Dansen, their inter-racial lesbian couple, and Nia Nal, their trans superhero, throughout all of 5b, to prop up a cis, straight male character, side-lined Lena for Lex, and made Supergirl an extra on her own show, all the while pushing Kara and William and queerbaiting Supercorp. I'm just tired. Also, if there's any mistakes or inconsistencies, I gave up on watching most of 5b, so just take it with a grain of salt. Anyways, end rant. Hope you like it!

Kara has a lot to handle. The DEO is gone, and she’s still picking up the pieces of everything that was, and everything that will be. Still grappling with the knowledge of this new world, which she never really had time to process.

And navigating a break-up in the midst of it all isn’t fun, but being with William isn’t right. Turns out he’s a sore loser. Who would have thought? It’s always been inevitable, and maybe this new nice guy persona on the brand new earth was always hiding something angry and dark underneath the pastel chalk.

However, Kara’s biggest concern, is, above all else, one certain Lena Kieran Luthor.

Their relationship fell into pieces, and trying to reassemble them into something semi-coherent is nearly impossible. Glue can’t make the jagged edges fit.

Still, at least Lena is there. She's given Kara her all-access pass at L-Corp back, which Kara considers a victory, if not the biggest blessing she’s ever received on any earth, ever. It’s also far too tempting to drop in every few seconds, just to be rewarded with Lena’s dazzling smile, the warmth of her hesitance embrace. The casual banter that passes between them, an easy understanding like warm air.

It’s somehow so easy to pick up where they left off. As long as they ignore everything that happened, anyways.

But Kara can’t ignore the past.

And she certainly can’t ignore the fact that she’s head-over-heels in love with her best friend.

When did she find out?  
It’s hard to say exactly when. Maybe it was when she shook hands with Lena in the lab and looked into Lena’s eyes and _finally_ saw a friend looking back at her instead of a stranger or an enemy.

Maybe it was afterward when Lex was gone, and Lena fell apart right there on the spot, kneeling on the ground, hands bloodstained, her whole body shaking.

And Kara wrapped her up in arms and cape and held her close until her breathing eased.

Maybe it was a few days later when Kara hesitantly knocked on Lena’s door and was greeted by Lena’s cautious smile as the youngest Luthor led her inside, where she was brewing tea. Her sleeves were pulled down over her hands, her hair curling over her shoulders. Her face so soft, so open, so vulnerable, and so hopeful Kara almost broke down on the spot.

Or maybe it was a slow, and gradual realization, strengthening with every single second, every single word, every single glance. Maybe she’s known for a long time.

Whatever the case, she knows now. Somehow, it’s the scariest thing she’s ever known, leaving her breathless and winded every time she thinks about it.

And in all the other ways, it feels like coming home.

Kara still hasn’t told Alex. She hasn’t even told Alex about the awkward, fragmented break-up with William. Maybe she just doesn’t trust her sister’s love advice anymore. First Mon-El, now William; both were mistakes.

Maybe it’s unfair to resent Alex for trying to help her, but everything feels so complicated. And Alex was willing to kill Lena, and Kara didn’t trust Lena for so long, and it’s all a muddled mess.

But it eventually ends up coming up while they’re cleaning up after game night.

Alex is stacking wine glasses on the counter, while Kara vacuums the couch nearby.

“So, what’s going on with you and William?” Alex asks. The clinking sound pauses, and Kara flips the switch on the vacuum and looks up.

“Oh, you know…” she waves Alex’s words away with an airy laugh, breathless and unnatural.

“No, I don’t know,” Alex grins, a teasing glint in her eyes. “I heard you went on a date a while back…”

“We broke up,” Kara says suddenly.

Alex’s eyes widen. “Oh. God, Kara. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“I don’t really care,” Kara shrugs. And it’s true. She doesn’t. William was really just a placeholder for someone else. Always has been, maybe. And it’s not like he’s ever been a nice guy, really.

She pretended she liked him. But she mistook the warning signs for butterflies. And the dread for anticipation. And Alex's persistence for confirmation.

She wanted someone to take Lena's place in her life. But there’s a space in her heart-shaped uniquely like Lena, and nobody could ever fill it.

Maybe in another world.

But not this one.

“See, you say that,” Alex begins, but Kara cuts her off.

“Alex, I - I don’t know how to say this,” Kara hesitates., “But maybe it’s best I handle my feelings… on my own. I appreciate you trying to give me advice, but he’s not the one. For me. And I think I’ve always known that.”

Kara tries to speak politely, but Alex clearly reads between the lines. She drops her eyes, nods. “Yeah, I get it. I’m sorry, I never meant to push you into a relationship you didn’t want. I just thought, you know, you missed Lena, and a relationship might help you get over her. I mean, god, a while had passed, and you still just talked about her constantly. So, I thought…”

Alex bites her lip. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Kara says. Her heart pounds in her ears at the mention of Lena’s name.

Time passes by rather slowly. Kara becomes friends with William. They usually avoid each other when possible, because, well, it’s still awkward, but they work together on cases sometimes. He’s not always nice, but he has a good heart, at least.

She doesn’t invite him to game night again. Or karaoke night. And he doesn’t ask. And nobody else does. Nobody questions his absence, because his presence was never integral.

Not like Lena’s.

It just feels so wrong, having him there while Lena is gone, like shoving a square into a circle-shaped hole.

Kara still hasn’t gathered the courage to ask Lena. Their friendship is still frail and shaky at best, and Kara isn’t quite sure how to bridge the gap.

But of course, as fate would have it in Kara’s life, the gap ends up bridged by an alien deciding that National City would be a good playing ground for arson.

Really, with Kara’s luck, what else could it possibly be?

Lena is working in her office when she gets the call.

It’s about noon, and she’s already drinking, which is never a good sign. There’s a throbbing at her temple, and the words are swimming slightly on the screen, but she’s doing her best to ignore it. And ignore the kink in her neck and the fact that she can’t stop thinking about her best friend.

That’s not exactly great for work productivity.

She drains her glass and types a few words on her computer, but her heart isn’t in it. She considers taking a break, something she almost never does. Just so she can collect her thoughts. Go on a walk, maybe. Or a drive.

Get some fresh air.

But before she can call her assistant, her desk vibrates as her phone goes off.

When she sees Alex’s number, her breath hitches. It might be nothing bad.

But Lena has experience.

And Kara is Supergirl.

She lunges for the phone and presses it to her ear.

“Lena,” Alex says. “There's something you might want to know."

It’s... fitting, that Alex and the so-called Superfriends only ever contact Lena when they want her for something.

Clearly, Lena has several more bridges to repair than just that of her relationship with Kara. But she’ll sort that out later.

The DEO is gone, so Lena ends up meeting with Alex outside of J’onn’s private practice.

“It’s called the Tower,” Alex explains as they ride the elevator up. “We set up a med bay because we realized we might need one, what with the DEO being gone.”

Lena nods, distracted. The suitcase dangles limply from her hand as the elevator ascends. All she can think about is Kara.

God dammit.

She’d already realized a while ago, like back when she finally forgave Kara, and they plunged into the fight against Lex together, that Kara being Supergirl meant Kara was in danger.

She’s had her panic attacks over it and has prepared as much equipment as she can. But every time she turns on the TV, she still has a heart attack, waiting for some dreadful headline.

Waiting for a call from Alex.

Her stomach had heaved sickeningly when she’d recalled watching Supergirl being pummeled so viciously by Reign; she’s almost puked with the realization that it had actually been her best friend.

There were some other things to consider with that situation, like the implications that when Lena had visited Kara, who was "sick with the flu", Lena must have actually been talking to J’onn impersonating Kara, and she had mentioned kissing James, which meant she could never look J’onn in the eye again, but that hadn’t exactly been her top priority then.

Or now, really.

The elevator opens, and Alex leads her out. The Tower is large and spacious and seems nice enough, but Lena can’t really pay any attention, because her eyes are immediately drawn to a bed in the corner.

And on it is Kara, and oh, god, she’s so still, and pale, and she’s barely moving with each breath. Lying under the sun lamps, bathed in golden light.

It's Supergirl, but it’s Kara, and Lena can barely breathe.

“What happened?” Lena whispers, her voice hoarse. She hates the tremble, the quaver. She can’t bear to appear weak in front of these people ever again, these people who used and betrayed her. Then again, maybe she deserved it.

Alex looks over, gnawing on her lip. “She blew out her powers fighting with some alien. She was super distracted the whole time; barely even focusing. It’s no wonder she blew out her powers.”

Lena’s brow crinkles as she considers the situation. Weighs the suitcase in her hand. “What am I here for?”

Alex shrugs. “Moral support? I just thought you’d want to know, all things considered. Was I wrong?”

Lena clears her throat. “No.” she manages. “You were right.”

Alex’s face softens into a slight smile, and she nods, looking relieved for some reason. And approving, maybe. Like this was a test of some kind.

Lena sets the suitcase down and looks around. She notices J’onn standing by Kara, adjusting the sun lamps.

Looking at Kara, Lena feels a pull deep in her chest, and she looks over at Alex. “Can I - “ the words, hoarse and uncertain, catch in her throat.

But Alex clearly catches the meaning, because she nods.

Lena walks over to Kara, feeling like she’s in a dream, or maybe a nightmare. Kara. Supergirl.

Looking at the woman laying on the table, it feels like seeing the two identities crash together in the worst way, and she closes her eyes as her stomach heaves and she struggles for air.

Her eyes open as the panic recedes ever so slightly, and she makes her way over to stand by Kara, J'onn brushing past her as he leaves. The sun lamps glow on the lines of Kara's cheekbones, the hollows of her eyes. Lena can’t help but notice the smallest details. The way her lips move, part for breath. The way her eyelashes twitch in her sleep. The way the muscles in her neck move as she breathes in and out.

She looks so small, on the table, so vulnerable, and Lena can’t breathe. Knowing her best friend, the woman she loves and has always loved, is actually National City’s hero, is awe-inspiring.

But it’s also mind-numbingly terrifying.

As Lena stands, watching Kara, she sees the Girl of Steel start to stir, and her eyes open, lock onto Lena’s almost immediately.

“You’re here,” Kara breathes. Supergirl. Kara. Lena’s head spins. But the eyes are the same, striking, piercing blue, and she focuses on them, instead of everything else.

“Of course I am,” Lena says quietly. “You just couldn’t resist endangering yourself, could you?”

Kara laughs, a hoarse, rasp of a sound, and Lena can’t help but think how much she’s missed it all these months. How much she’s missed Kara's eyes on her, melting her from the inside.

Lena swallows painfully as Kara looks up at her. “I wasn’t sure if you’d be here,” Kara whispers. She pushes herself into an upright position with a wince.

“I’ll always be here for you,” Lena says. Over a year ago, that phrase would have been so simple. So simple almost to be meaningless, because it was a given.

But now, after escaping the hellscape that had been her life and their friendship for the past months, when Lena hadn’t been there for Kara and Kara hadn’t been there for Lena, it feels so heavy and complicated, almost apologetic and regretful all at once.

Kara seems to be thinking the same thing because her eyes darken ever so slightly. Then she reaches out and tangles her hand in Lena’s. Her fingers slide into the spaces like they were tailor-made, and maybe they were.

“Thank you,” Kara whispers. Her expression is so earnest, so open, Lena can’t help but ache.

Karas's hand is so warm, and Lena thinks she might lose her mind from longing for something she’ll never have.

The encounter, however brief, seemed to mend some of the deepest cracks in their relationship. Sure, it’s far from fixed. There will be times when one or the other will trail away in the middle of a sentence as something they say will bring back memories neither wants to face. And it can still feel awkward and lilted, each going out of their way to act like nothing happened.

But they feel closer, more intertwined, and everything just feels _easier._ And Kara is actually happy.

It only now makes sense why, for so long, she wasn’t happy. No amount of game nights and rescues could fill that void. Sure, she was doing okay, and she was content, but she wasn’t happy. Always thinking about Lena. Constantly.

Well, okay, that part hasn’t changed so much. Lena still consumes all of Kara’s thoughts, to the point of obsession. But there’s nothing Kara can do.

They finally discuss it one night.

It’s a movie night, and everyone is gathered in Kara’s apartment, wrapped in blankets, slung across the furniture.

And Lena shows up at the door. Unexpected, with a dark red flustered tinge to her cheeks.

“What are you doing here?” Kara exclaims when she greets Lena at the door.

“I invited her,” Alex says casually. She’s holding a beer, like always, and tips it in Lena’s direction, then turns and walks away.

“Do you not want me here?” Lena asks. Soft. Uncertain. Her arms crossed either defensively or protectively over her chest. Maybe both. She’s wearing jeans and a T-shirt, casual clothes.

“Of course I do!” Kara says eagerly, maybe too eagerly.

Lena smiles, a wide, real, genuine smile, and Kara wonders how it’s possible to love someone _so much_ and not spontaneously combust. Or something.

The night goes on as usual, with laughter and popcorn and jokes. But Lena’s there. And somehow, it’s not awkward. She just slots right in like she used to. Arguing with Brainy, and bantering good-naturedly with Alex, and discussing topics with Kelly like VR and technology and things Kara always pretends are beyond her understanding, and always, always at Kara’s side.

Always, to the point where she almost seems clingy, but Kara isn’t complaining. If Lena weren’t clinging to her, it would certainly be the other way around. Because Kara seems to need Lena, and there’s no way around it.

They end up on the couch. Lena curls against Kara’s side, her head leaned into the crook of her neck, her hand absentmindedly running through strands of Kara’s golden hair.

The casual intimacy feels both foreign and familiar, somehow, but what is familiar is the way the beating of Kara’s own heart drowns out the movie and the way she can’t keep her eyes focused on the screen because they keep straying back to Lena.

Her eyes are staring avidly at the screen, and her dark hair curls behind her ears. She’s so beautiful Kara’s chest aches. Beautiful, and soft, and vulnerable in a way Kara hasn’t seen her in a long, long time. In what feels like forever.

Kara can’t _stop_ looking at her. Her lips are smooth and glossy. Kara’s not sure why she notices this at first.

Until, looking at her, Kara is struck by a sudden urge to kiss her. To press her lips into Lena’s and breathe in everything Lena, and lose herself in the woman curled up against her.

The thought scares Kara at first, so much she instinctively moves away.

Lena raises her head. “Kara?”

Kara’s breath catches as Lena says her name. 

“Is something wrong?” Lena whispers.

Kara shakes her head.

Then Lena reaches out and presses a hand under her chin, cups it ever so slightly, which really doesn’t help anything. “You promised there wouldn’t be any more secrets.”

There’s a lump in Kara’s throat. "I know."

“Look, I know we still haven't really addressed… everything.” Lena moves closer, her voice barely a breath.

“It’s not about that,” Kara whispers. But maybe it is; at least partially. Or maybe it isn't. 

Looking into Lena’s eyes, she wants to say it.

_I love you._

She can win a Pulitzer, but somehow she can’t say three simple words. Why?

_I love you._

_I love you._

“Let’s just enjoy the movie, alright?” Kara says softly instead. It's not what she wants to say, or what she should say, but it's all she can say.

Lena nods, but Kara notices she keeps her distance for the rest of the night.

By the time she leaves, Kara already misses her.

Lena knows they have to discuss it.

Sure, they can keep treading water, and have lunch dates and movie nights and laugh over nothing like they used to, and pretend that their friendship wasn’t ripped apart.

But it’s all a facade. The closer Lena grows to Kara, the more she can feel it splintering.

And she’s not sure what lies underneath.

They have to discuss it, or the same poison that destroyed them in the first place will take root again, will spread its vile seeds, and they’ll either grow apart, or drift apart, or fall apart. Either way, the ending will be the same.

And Lena refuses to let their ending be a sad one. She’s never had a happy ending once in her life; she’s starting to think she doesn’t deserve one. But for Kara’s sake, she’ll try.

Kara deserves so much more than her. But it’s clear Kara cares about her, and Lena will spend every single second of her life treasuring that fact. That knowledge. Holding it close to her heart that beats only for Kara.

Kara deserves more, but for some reason, she’s chosen Lena. And Lena won’t fall short. She won’t.

Because Kara deserves the world, and Lena is willing to give it in a heartbeat. But there can’t be secrets. Can’t be lies. It has to be open and honest, or they’ll break again.

And Lena can’t lose Kara again. She barely survived the first time. If it happened again, it might actually kill her. The poison would reach her heart and she would be gone.

The discussion finally happens.

It’s a couple of weeks later, when Lena returns from a business trip, exhausted and tired of existing.

She’s still unpacking when she hears the familiar whoosh of a cape and doesn’t even bother trying to stop the smile that breaks out on her face.

She turns around, and stares, star-struck. In the moonlight, with her cape whipping around her, Kara looks like a literal Greek goddess, like she’s been carved from marble and stardust with the image of true perfection in mind. 

It’s just another reminder of Lena’s imperfections. Her flaws. Her failures. All her cracks and broken pieces and every worthless, sick part of her.

But she pushes it aside this isn’t about Lena. It’s about Kara. Always has been, for Lena.

Lena’s whole world centers around Kara, and she’s hopelessly caught in the Kryptonian’s orbit.

And maybe she’s flying too close to the sun.

“How was your trip?” Kara asks. She’s still standing on the balcony, awaiting an invitation. Her face is gently concerned.

“Exhausting,” Lena yawns, as if her body is trying to prove her point. “A bunch of rich men with egos larger than all of National City all lecturing me on how they know best and I don’t. I nearly died of boredom every few minutes.”

Kara giggles. God, Lena missed that sound.

“Well, I hope you’re up for a treat,” Kara raises a paper bag. “I got donuts,”

Lena exhales. “You never cease to amaze me, Kara Danvers.” she bites her lip and grins. “Or should I say Supergirl?”  
Kara blushes and mumbles something under her breath that Lena doesn’t pick up on, waving her hands around her, and Lena watches her in a strange mixture of fascination and adoration.

It’s Supergirl, but the simple mannerism is so _Kara_ that Lena feels an ache in her chest.

Being oblivious to Kara’s identity for so long, until recently, anyways, has made Lena realize why the disguise works so well. 

Granted, there _is_ something to be said for the fact that she desperately didn’t _want_ to see it. Didn’t want her heart to break.

But really, it’s so much more than just a pair of glasses. It’s mannerisms, and it’s an entire personality difference, and it’s this mask she puts on around other people. Supergirl, stoic and brave, and sometimes even harsh in her pursuit for justice when her heart gets the best of her.

And Kara, Lena can’t even begin to describe Kara. Bright, and warm, and earnest, and perpetually optimistic, like a puppy. But also with a more mature side, that side of her that is so sympathetic, and concerned, and kind, hiding a more intellectual mind behind nervous gestures and stumbling words.

When Lena first met Supergirl, she wanted her. Wanted to be like her, wanted to emulate her. She was brave, and proud, and heroic, and was the face of the hero Lena had always aspired to be.

But Kara… Lena is everything Kara _needs._ And there’s such a clear divide between want and need.

And eventually between love and hate.

When she and Supergirl were feuding, but Kara was so warm and cheerful like she always had been.

_That’s definitely something we’ll have to discuss, That breach of trust. That… betrayal._

Lena looks up, stirring from her reverie, and realizes Kara is still standing on the balcony, looking faintly bewildered. _And_ Lena realizes too late that she’s been standing there staring at her for at least a minute.

“You can come in, you know,” Lena says, her lips curving into a smile to hide her embarrassment.

Kara jolts. “Oh, yeah. Thanks.”

Kara steps inside, and there’s something awkward about it all, but Lena can’t tell what it is. Maybe it’s the fact that last time Kara stood on that balcony, she called Lena a villain…

Lena clenches her jaw so hard she feels spikes of pain shoot through it. Yeah, they definitely still have some issues to resolve.

Kara, oblivious to Lena’s inner turmoil, sets the donut bag down on the table.

Even with everything that’s happened, they can still communicate without words, almost like some psychic connection. They both sit down on the couch, and Kara pries open the bag.

“Any reason you decided to get me donuts at about midnight?” Lena asks curiously. She curls her legs up onto the couch and leans against the cushions, watching Kara as the Kryptonian pulls apart the white bag. It’s strange, to see her still in her super suit, but to know that it’s Kara. Lena’s Kara.

 _Supergirl bringing me donuts and sitting on my couch,_ Lena shakes her head. When she told Jack she wanted to share her home with a Kryptonian, this wasn’t _quite_ what she had in mind.

But she’s certainly not complaining.

"You and your habit to forget basic human necessities like meals," Kara says with a grin. She hands Lena a donut and Lena accepts it.

They both slowly pick at their donuts. Normally Kara would be rambling on about something or other, but now she’s quiet. 

“So…” Kara ventures, when another few awkward, tense moments have passed in silence. “Are we going to talk about… it?”  
Lena picks at the donut, but she has no appetite. Nods. Remembering her earlier thought, she sighs. _I guess we have to start somewhere…_

“The incident. With the Kryptonite,” Lena looks up as the sweet frosting melts on her tongue. “Why didn’t you trust me?”

Kara blinks like Lena threw sand in her eyes, and pain flashes across her face. Lena almost regrets asking. Almost.

But this needs to happen. And it will be painful, but it’s necessary if they want to move on. Lena knows that as well as she knows her own last name.

Kara picks at her donut. The muscles in her throat strain as she swallows and Lena feels an almost irresistible urge to press her lips against the taut, elegant lines of Kara’s neck, shadowed by her jaw.

But somehow, she fights back the urge. She’s had plenty of practice, after all.

“I was scared,” Kara says quietly. “It’s the same reason I got mad at you about the Harun-El. I have to… protect everyone. The whole world, on my shoulders. I was sent here to protect my cousin, but I couldn’t protect him,” her brow crinkles in the center. “I had no purpose. And so I had to find it, in protecting my home. There are so many people looking up to me, and I can’t fail them. And whenever there’s Kryptonite involved, I’m weakened. I can’t hold up the world on my shoulders when I’m weak,”

“You shouldn’t have to,” Lena says quietly. Looking at Kara, she’s struck by so much _love,_ so much awe all at once, so much it makes her feel breathless. Kara is… Kara, but she’s also Supergirl, the hero of Earth, who feels responsible for the weight of so many lives, and for the first time, Lena finally understands what that means.

She’s known for a long time, but now, for the very first time, she looks at Kara and doesn’t feel like her world is rocking on its axis trying to dissect the two. Trying to split Kara part into her two identities.

She’s both Kara and Supergirl, and Lena has never wanted for anything in her life as much as she wants for Kara at that moment. Longing aches in her chest, and she swallows painfully.

Kara is Supergirl. The thought doesn’t hurt anymore.

Kara smiles softly at her, and Lena's breath catches in her throat. “I know it’s not an excuse for how I treated you…" Kara continues quietly. "How I went behind your back… but I thought I was doing the right thing. I cared so much about you, and I was so scared at the thought of you potentially being my enemy,” Kara worries her lower lip with her teeth. “Because I don’t think I could ever fight you, Lena,”

She rests her hand on the couch and looks at Lena like she’s asking a question without words.

Lena covers Kara’s hand with hers. It feels almost sacred like they’re sealing some bond.

Or maybe just finally wrapping up the loose ends of their past.

Either way, it scares Lena, how much she cares. How her heart is entangled with Kara’s, and she can’t escape.

Because loving has burned her before. Lillian. Andrea. Lex. Mercy. Even Rhea. And Kara.

But she trusts Kara, now.

The explanation says so much more than Lena can really comprehend. It explains everything.

“Bygones?” Kara whispers, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. They lock eyes, both remembering the same day. The same moment.

“Bygones,” Lena says. Their fingers intertwine, and it feels like the new beginning Lena didn’t realize she needed. A page in a new chapter. It’s not _the_ beginning, but it’s _a_ beginning, and this time, they can do everything right.

Kara feels lighter, free, with everything out in the open.

Maybe not everything. But discussing the Kryptonite was important. The Kryptonite incident was when the cracks started spreading in their relationship, was what started the internal implosion of the relationship Kara treasures the most.

But it really doesn’t help the persistent issue Kara is having. It only makes it worse.

It’s the fact that Kara is head-over-heels in love with her. Like the kind of love she’s only ever read about in romance novels, and seen in movies. Fast-paced and wild and passionate, and yet sweet and caring, and sad and longing and wistful all at once. All-consuming.

And maybe also the fact that Kara really wants to kiss her. Like, a lot.

Like, she can’t stop thinking about it whenever they’re together, and it’s starting to become a problem. And Kara doesn’t know how to handle it, because she hasn’t felt this way in forever. And definitely, definitely not this strongly. Maybe she came close with James…? But not really. Because with James, it was just a crush.

But it’s so much more than just a crush with Lena, and Kara doesn’t know when she let her feelings get so out of hand. When she started falling so hard, and now she’s not sure she can catch herself.

Oddly enough, the first person she tells is Kelly. It’s not like it was intentional, and they’re not even particularly close. But she’s warm and she’s open, and she’s somewhat of a therapist, and she has experience on the matter.

Then again, so does Alex. But Kara’s not sure she trusts Alex’s romantic advice anymore. Not that she would ever say that outright to her sister’s face.

But first with Mon-El, now with William...? 

Kara knows her sister just wants her to be happy, but she’s very misguided in that department, apparently.

So Kara needs to find someone who isn’t. Or maybe just keep it inside until she actually combusts. One or the other.

It’s karaoke night, an odd place to have a conversation so personal, where it’s loud and bright. Nia and Brainy are doing a duet on stage; they’re finally working on repairing their relationship, just like Kara and Lena, and seeing them together again makes Kara happy. It was a big shock to discover Brainy was working with Lex all along, but in the end, he almost gave up everything to save the world. Brushed with death to save his friends.

None of them could really stay mad at him. And Nia’s clearly just delighted to have her Brainy again, and not that strange, cold, secretive version. Honestly, Kara is too.

She looks around the dive bar; Alex is with J’onn, talking about something or other with her legs propped up on the table, a beer in her hand, which leaves Kara with Kelly.

“It looks like Brainy and Nia are fixing their relationship,” Kelly says, in that quiet, gentle voice of hers.

Kara hums in agreement, distracted by thinking about Lena like she usually is these days.

“What about you and Lena?”  
Kara looks over her shoulder so quickly she almost gets whiplash and sees Kelly smiling at her.

“We’re… fine. Great. Excellent,” Kara says nervously. “Why do you ask?”  
Kelly laughs, “Relax, Kara. I was just wonder - .”

“I’m in love with her,” the words leave Kara without asking permission from her mind or any rational common sense first, and she immediately winces. She feels her cheeks burn.

Kelly’s eyes widen, and she sits up in her chair. “Oh. OH. That… explains a lot actually.”

Kara’s brow creases and she stares at Kelly in bewilderment. “It does? Like what?”

Kelly reaches out and covers Kara’s hand with hers. “I’ve noticed things.”

Kara swallows painfully. “What do I do?” she asks shakily.

Kelly is quiet for a moment. Then she says simply, “Tell her.”

“How?” Kara feels her stomach flurry with nerves, and she bites the inside of her cheek. “How do I - “

“You’re overthinking it, Kara,” Kelly smiles softly, and Kara feels her nerves settle. She can see why Alex loves Kelly so much; she has a calm, quiet, reassuring air about her, like she knows everything, like she could handle anything, all the while with that caring smile on her face. And Kara definitely likes that Kelly balances Alex out, smooths over her more reckless tendencies.

They’re good for each other. Soulmates. If soulmates are even real. 

They have to be. Because the way Kara feels for Lena couldn’t be explained by anything else except for some strange, crazy, mystical connection.

_Tell her._

Kara swallows back the fear rising in her throat. “What if… what if she doesn’t feel the same way?”

Kelly’s eyes are warm and reassuring. “I think she does. But if she doesn’t… well, at least she knows, and there won’t be any more secrets.”

Secrets. Kara’s had enough secrets for a lifetime.

She stares at the wood grain for a long moment. Then she nods. “Alright, I will.”

In actuality, two months pass until Kara finally tells Lena.

It’s not _entirely_ her fault. Lena has to go away on another business trip for a few weeks, and besides, the crime rate in National City seems to have increased exponentially.

At least, that’s what she tells herself.

Until Alex tells her to stop seeking out threats that aren’t really there, and she has to face that she’s avoiding Lena. Sure, they’re texting, but actually seeing her in person is something else.

Then she would have to actually _face_ what she told Kelly she would do, and she feels sick at the thought. After everything they’ve been through, she’s not sure she can handle being rejected by Lena.

And what if she ruins everything? Their friendship is still tentative, and they’re still testing the boundaries. Such a confession would blow those boundaries down, when they should be ever so carefully navigated, picked apart, even.

That’s the excuse she uses. So even when she does see Lena, she keeps it quiet. Keeps it to herself, even as every single dazzling smile and sideways glance threatens to draw it out of her.

She swears every minute she spends in Lena’s presence makes her fall even more in love, which really shouldn’t be possible, all things considered, but somehow is.

The confession happens just like it did with Kelly, in a way. Maybe less of an accident and more deliberate, but still completely unintended.

It’s a regular game night, except Lena’s there, which makes it so much more than ordinary. She’s back in Kara’s life, weaving her way into the picture, always at Kara’s side, and Kara thinks maybe she never left. Because Kara was constantly thinking about her, which should have served as a message, in retrospect, but she was too angry, and so hurt she couldn’t handle it.

Now, Kara’s apartment is filled with motion as everyone helps, cleaning, and packing up. Kara kneels down and picks up game pieces, which she hands to Kelly to put them away, and remembers something.

How, when William was here, he stood by and watched everyone else clean up instead of helping, looking vaguely uncomfortable with his arms crossed over his chest.

Kara can’t believe she actually thought she liked him.

She stands up and sees Lena standing in the kitchen, stacking wine glasses while Alex wipes down the countertops. Lena's wearing her casual clothes, and an over-sized gray knit sweater, with her hair pinned back in a loose ponytail.

Kara just stares at her for a moment, awe-struck. It’s not like she’s doing anything particularly interesting, just stacking glasses, and teasing Alex about something, but she has that smile on her face, and she’s so _beautiful,_ and so… _Lena._

Someone bumps into her arm, and she looks over. Kelly gives her a knowing look as she passes by.

Heat rises into Kara’s cheeks, but she still can’t pull her eyes away from Lena.

Lena sets the glasses away in the cupboard and listens to the sound of Nia and Brainy's retreating footsteps. The door soon shuts with a loud clap. Without its visitors, the apartment is quiet.

It’s strange to Lena, how everyone has accepted her back into the fold so easily. Alex was poking fun at her for and saying that she didn’t recognize her with the casual clothes, and Brainy was quarreling with her over a certain game mechanic, and Kelly would shoot her reassuring smiles from time to time, and Nia even gave her a hug on the way out.

She suspects this is in large part because of Kara, who has been acting like nothing changed right from the beginning. Immediately pairing up with her at game night, and curling up with her during movie nights, and doing everything she can to involve Lena in every conversation. To make her feel accepted.

God, it shouldn’t be possible to love someone as much as she loves Kara. In this deep, breathless, aching way that both feels like heaven and hurts like hell.

“Thanks for helping clean up,”

At Kara’s voice, Lena’s heart jumps into her throat. She turns around, and when she sees the way Kara is _looking_ at her at that moment, she maybe drops the wine glass she was holding.

It breaks apart on the floor, and she jumps back.

“Are you alright?” Kara asks in alarm.

“I’m fine,” Lena says. She looks down at the broken glass shards. “Sorry about the glass…”

Kara smiles in that way that crinkles the corners of her eyes. “It’s my fault; I’m the one who startled you.”

Kara kneels down and starts picking up the glass shards with her bare hands.

“Wait, you’re going to cut yourself,” Lena says, her heartrate spiking instinctively. Then she realizes what she just said. “Wait… nevermind.”

Kara tosses a few shards in the trash can and grins up at her. She still has that look in her eyes, and it’s making Lena feel dizzy.

Lena has to look away because if she keeps looking at Kara, she’s going to say something or do something she’ll regret. Like, kiss her. Or confess undying love. Probably both.

She searches around for a dustpan and helps Kara clean up the glass in silence.

There’s tension on the air, and something else, something electric hovering between them, like a static current.

When they’ve both finished, Kara walks into the living room and sits down on the couch, and Lena, without even needing to be asked, joins her.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” Kara says. Her eyes are bright, and her smile is wide. She really needs to stop looking at Lena with that starry glimmer in her eyes, because it’s making it hard for Lena to breathe.

“It wasn’t the same without you,” Kara continues.

Lena instinctively waves her hand dismissively, but Kara reaches out and catches it in both of hers. Lena’s breath hitches, and her heart almost bursts from her chest. 

“No, I mean it.” Kara insists. “It just felt wrong. Having everyone at game night, but not you.”

Lena is tempted to make some smart quip, to dissolve the tension, so they can move on, so Kara can laugh and scrunch her nose up maybe, and they’ll go on like nothing happened.

Fuck it. Lena is so _sick_ of acting like nothing happened, nothing happened, when everything keeps happening.

So instead of ignoring it, she leans in closer.

“And I - “ Kara says. Her eyes drop, and Lena feels like she might pass out then and there when she realizes Kara is staring at her lips. Her head spins.

“I have to tell you - “ Kara looks back up at her eyes, and whispers. “I love you. I love you, Lena.”

Lena doesn’t even bother restraining herself any longer. She finally, finally gives into years and years of waiting and longing and leans into the irresistible pull.

Kara would be lying if she said she hadn’t been dreaming about this for a long, long time, but this exceeds even her wildest fantasies and expectations.

Lena’s lips are warm and full, and so soft, like velvet, and seem to create electricity as they slide across Kara’s. It’s slightly clumsy at first, but it only takes seconds for them to fall into a rhythm. Their lips move in a dizzying dance, and Kara swears she must be dreaming because her head is swimming and she can’t catch her breath.

Lena’s hands cup her face so delicately, fingertips pressing ever so slightly into her cheekbones, and Kara revels in every single place of contact between her and Lena.

When they eventually break apart, Kara feels as breathless as she did on her first time flying. That’s what kissing Lena feels like. Flying. High above the world with nothing to drag her down.

Lena’s eyes are glossy, and her lower lip is trembling ever so slightly. She leans in and presses her forehead against Kara’s, moves her hands down to clutch at Kara’s shoulders.

“I love you, too,” Lena whispers.

The words echo in Kara’s ears, and she can’t begin to process the meaning, the weight of them, so instead she just leans in and kisses Lena again.

Lena’s hands slide down to rest on her waist, and Kara cups Lena’s face in her hands, holding it so delicately like Lena is porcelain and could break at any moment.

Lena pulls her in closer and lets out a breathless whisper. “Please…”

Kara’s head swims as she obeys, and leans in even closer until she’s practically on Lena’s lap.

Her tongue glides over Lena’s lower lip. In response, Lena makes a small noise in the back of her throat.

Kara’s head spins in circles, and she has to pull away to catch her breath for fear she’ll burn up in flames.

“Kara,” Lena’s slightly hoarse voice pulls her back down to earth, and she sees Lena looking at her with a starstruck expression, and she feels dizzy, remembering Lena’s confession.

She wipes her thumb over the corner of Lena’s lip, over the lipstick mark on her skin, and Lena’s eyelashes flutter as she lets out a breath. Her cheeks are flushed a deep crimson, and her chest is heaving. She looks so unbearably attractive, and it’s _Lena._

Kara just kissed Lena.

She presses her forehead into Lena’s and feels the warmth of her breath as she exhales in short bursts.

They stay like that for a long time, lost in each other, in the moment, in everything it means.

Kara closes her eyes and drinks in the sensation of Lena all around her.

Finally, she’s at peace. She feels whole again.

And the future is brighter than ever.

**Author's Note:**

> Also in my headcanon, Alex would TOTALLY know that Kara was in love with Lena and vice versa, but according to the show, she doesn't have an ounce of gaydar, so I'm rolling with her having no clue. Trying to stick with canon as closely as I can, even if feels weird. Also, also, comments are much appreciated :)


End file.
